I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
