he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize