I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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