dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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