i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
