just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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