Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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