i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize