Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
