yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
