Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
