Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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