Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
