my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
