So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
