Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
