when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
