What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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