So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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