i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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