This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
