some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
