Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
