Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
