im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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