Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
How naked do you want me to be?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
