highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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