get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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