you win again, gameday.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's always time for handjobs
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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