Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
