How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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