I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
