Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would fuck him just for his dog
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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