i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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