gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
