So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
