it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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