He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
