We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
