He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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