Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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