Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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