Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
