i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
