Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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