walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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