Soap is not a condiment
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
