in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
