What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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