i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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