His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
