this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
