I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
