She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
