I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize