I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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