So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
