the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize