Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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