i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
