I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
