thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
bring money and cleavage
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
