I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
