I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Welp...herpes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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