Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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