the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
