True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
