I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
