There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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