We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
